Andreas CarverComment

Cauliflower Steaks

Andreas CarverComment
Cauliflower Steaks

Happiness in Bed

We met some weekend night when my best friend and I decided to go to the local queer watering hole. It was crowded, and an MIA Salt and Pepper cover played as he walked by. Our eyes locked and I was not about to loosen my grip until I got what I wanted. His head was situated right in between the left and right shoulders of my friends as people pushed and shoved past his now still body. I smiled and gestured him over. 


We were dating for a few weeks. His outlandish mind and eccentric beliefs were such a turn on. I also didn’t mind the fact that anytime he looked into my eyes he would lose his train of thought. It was nice to feel like I had the power of a joint to make a man forget his words mid passionate conversation. He’d just stop, stare, smile, and look away. It was refreshing. 

He also gave me the nicest gift I’ve ever received. It lacked any trace of superficiality or material fulfillment, for it was straight from the heart. It wasn’t wrapped up pretty or extravagant in any way, but it was real. Presented in a plastic baggie and an empty paper towel roll, he gave me a few things: dried lavender and rosemary, along with information about Ayurvedic dieting, breathing techniques, and infinite knowledge. Obviously with the intense amount of vulnerability that came with his gesture, so did the urge to completely devour him because he had just did the sexiest thing ever. 

We laid cozy under my gray linen comforter as the lavender oil bloomed from his skin to my nose. And although the room laid silent, the emptiness in our stomachs spoke loudly. 

I evaluated what was readily available in my middle class kitchen. Eggs, pea sprouts, greens, avocado, onion, enough to make a really delicious sandwich. As his compact body walked into my kitchen while stumbling to throw on a shirt, I chopped, mixed, and massaged. 

We ate in bed where he instinctually ate his sandwich. It was free of judgement or manner; sloppily yet refined. I loved that type of eating. He’d take a bite of the sandwich and the yoke would pop, oozing down the lower level of his lip, and without thought of grabbing a napkin, he’d pinch together the few pea sprouts that had fallen out and nibble them down, rabbit like, through his two front teeth. I’d get lost in watching him because he’d get lost in eating….. and I liked that. 

My Mama's Cole Slaw

  • One small head of green cabbage 

  • One small head of red cabbage

  • 2 TBS of sugar

  • 1/3 c of vinegar

  • 1 c of vegan mayo( I used Joy- it's the best)

  • A generous amount of Salt and pepper

  1. In a bowl whisk together your vinegar and sugar until dissolved and then add in your mayo.

  2. Once your sauce is nice and smooth add in your salt & pepper- set aside

  3. Cut up your heads of cabbage into thin shreds.

  4. Mix in your cabbage and sauce and make sure it has all been coated

  5. Allow for it to sit overnight to soften.

  6. Taste the next morning and add necessary salt and pepper or possibly more vinegar.  

  7. ENJOY!

Cauliflower Steaks

  • 1 Head of Cauliflower 

  • Olive Oil

  • Lime zest of a whole lime

  • Two grated cloves of garlic 

  • Salt and pepper 

  1. Preheat your oven to 400 degrees.

  2. Remove the leaves from the bottom of your cauliflower. 

  3. With your florets facing up, cut your cauliflower into fourths. Place onto pan.

  4. Drizzle enough oil to coat the cauliflower steaks to roast nicely.

  5. Zest your lime and grate your garlic to sprinkle over your steaks.

  6. Add a few pinches of salt and pepper and pop them in the oven.

  7. After ten minutes, flip them over and add any more needed oil- allow to cook for 15 minutes on the other side. You want them golden and easily penetrated with a fork.

  8. The assembly is super easy. Bun, cauliflower steak, and cole slaw..... so good!